Mental Health and the Monsters I Have Been
A reflection on The Paradox of Getting Better and Tomorrow You Don't Know Me by Raven Lyn Clemens, and The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green.
The Paradox of Getting Better was the first book I read by Raven Lyn Clemens, and after finishing the book I immediately threw it (lovingly, gently) at my significant other, and started following Clemens on Instagram. Recently (at time of writing), she finished uploading her new comic, Tommorow You Don't Know Me, there. (For an easier reading experience, you can download it on gumroad here). I followed the story closely, and cried nearly every update seeing myself reflected on the page.
I can't find where, but I swear to god I read or heard or watched John Green say recently that he couldnt relate to most stories about depression, because they end with the person overcoming it or "getting better", but he's always known that his is something he will never get over. It waxes and wanes, but it does not disappear. Forgive my poor paraphrasing-- if I had the quote, I would insert it. I've been thinking about this a lot recently as my own mental illnesses wax and wane. I certainly don't relate to most stories about mental illness either. That's why I find The Paradox of Getting Better and Tomorrow You Don't Know Me so cathartic. Clemens' characters are not perfect. They are just people-- people who fuck up, who get angry, who lash out, who are violent, who hurt others when they are hurt or anxious or frightened, and I see myself in them. I know I am worthy of love because they are.
One thing that gave me a profound amount of hope as well as a solid ten minute cry was this quote from John Green's The Anthropocene Reviewed, from his review on Harvey, "I felt certain [medication and therapy] wouldn’t work, because I didn’t think the problem was chemical. I thought the problem was that at my core I was worthless, useless, helpless. I was less and less each day." Hearing my own thoughts in those words, I fell apart. He had described his depression and nervous breakdown in great detail, but I couldn't help but feel detached from it. John Green is a far more successful man, even as a depressed 25 year old, than I will ever be, and on some level that made me imagine that our depressions must be very different-- his the kind that makes you stronger, more thoughtful, more wisened, and mine the kind that curses, and rips apart, and gorges on misery until it is full. To hear a man I knew empiraclly was not worthless, or useless, or helpless say these words with such conviction... how could he truly believe that?
And then, I thought, maybe I'm wrong about myself too.
2024.9.29
My Favorites?
I have an aversion to comparison and hierarchy, so in lieu of favorites, here is my list of books most often lent to friends:
Be Kind My Neighbor by Yugo Limbo - A surprisingly wholesome T4T love story hidden in a tale of serial killers, cults, and puppets. This is the first of Yugo Limbo's work I encountered, and I've absolutely loved everything I've seen from them since. Their work is gorgeously textured, musical, and psychedelic.
On A Sunbeam by Tillie Walden - Yeah, yeah, I know what Type Of Guy I look like putting these two at the top of the list, but it's true. Walden's delicately intricate style lends itself beautifully to this weirdly lush and organic sci-fi story. Did I mention it's set in a world of only lesbians? There's one or two panels here that I just can't get out of my head. Oh, and you can read it all online for free.
Not Simple by Natsume Ono - Although I'd probably prefer to start folks off with House of Five Leaves, it's hard to convince them to borrow an 8 book long series, so I make do. Not Simple is the first book of Ono's that I read. I picked it up on a whim in the manga section as a young teen, and was drawn to Ono's unique style. What I found inside was a story so completely gut-wrenching that I immediately bought and read as many of her books as I could get my hands on. I've not really kept up with her work in the years since, but I have a huge soft spot for those already on my bookshelf.
The Umbrella Academy by Gerard Way, illustrated by Gabriel Bá - Don't let the Netflix show fool you--this comic is actually good! This is a rare occasion where I feel the need to specifically shout out the comic's colorist(s? I actually can't find consistent information about who it is, but most often credited are Dave Stewart for series 1 and 2, and Nick Filardi for series 3). From splashes like Thank You For The Coffee to the candy-colored spaceship flights in Hotel Oblivion, I've never seen a comic I wanted to consume more than this one. Paired with Way's writing which makes it clear he lives and breathes comics, The Umbrella Academy makes for a series I can come back to with a smile on my face every time.
The Chromatic Fantasy by H.A. - When I bought this book, the seller told me that if I liked Be Kind My Neighbor, I'd probably enjoy this too. And I did! This one took me a while to get well and truly hooked, but it just kept getting better and better. Usually the ending of a comic isn't my favorite part, but MAN! the final act of this comic is an awesome adventure I couldn't be more happy I stuck around for -- not that it was hard to. I was drawn in by the hilarously modern dialogue paired with the darker fairytale setting, and then got the rug pulled out from under me when all the drama and intrigue returned! A wonderful blend of surreal visuals and down-to-earth storytelling. I could not think of a better title for this book than "The Chromatic Fantasy". It truly delivers.
