Harvey
Ah, the classics. What more could anyone need? He's kind, intelligent, and a little quirky. Refined taste (wine and truffles), but knows how to appreciate the simple things in life (coffee and pickles). We enjoy relaxing together over a nice meal and a good book. He gets to nerd out, I get to nerd out, and he doesn't mind that I have a crush on Marnie. Life in Pelican Town is just a little more enjoyable with Harvey around. This is the first and last normal entry on this list.
Stanford Pines
Listen, I didn't even watch Gravity Falls till I learned about this old man. He's so incredibly divorced from his transdimensional triangle ex-husband. He has an extra finger, and despite what you may assume I point this out strictly because I have a Thing about being on the "inside" or "outside" of a hand-hold, and with him I would never have to worry about my pinky or thumb being lonely.
Van Hohenheim
I mean, I feel like putting these two next to each other explains it for me. Whatever weird complex he has about the Dwarf in the Flask homonculus has nothing to do with me. I just like sad, pathetic, beaten-down STEM majors. I think my goal in life is to be the "personality hire" of the relationship with one of these types. Please don't tell my fiancee. (She knows.)
Spamton
I would deign to admit that I and the average Spamton Sweepstakes participant probably had vastly different experiences of the whole event? But personally, I thoroughly enjoyed being financially dominated by this freak of nature. I would do truly disastrous things to get my hands on that candle. I owe all of my friends an apology for the man that I became for those 24 hours.
Roy Mustang
Look, this one starts a new trend, and I'm sorry. I am not immune to people who are mean to me :-[ He's the perfect blend of arrogant and pathetic, chivalrous and uncaring, intelligent and stupid, loving and unkind. He's also scheming. I love a man who schemes. I wish more artists (including myself) were able to capture his likeness the way Arakawa does. I would plaster his face on everything I own. I want to put him down like a dog.
Wade Wilson
I feel completely normally about him.
Nolan Grayson
"His redemption arc makes this fine, actually." - Sentences thought up by the utterly deranged. Listen, man, listen. If you don't see it, I don't think I'll be the person to convince you. Just be warned, if you think this is bad, you won't like what's next. Also he's voiced by JK Simmons, who also voices Ford. Not my fault. It's just not my fault! Look, I'm a simple man. I enjoy all of life's simple pleasures. Sometimes those pleasures include death!
Wrath
Just this one scene. Just the one scene. Is that really so bad? Can you blame me? Look at his waist-to-hip ratio here. I could [redacted for reader's mental health and well-being].
Look, if you're gonna be a cold-blooded killer I think we can all agree that you should just look and act a little less babygirl.